As you all know, I’m a pretty big Harry Potter fan. Shut up. Anyway, Harry Potter is probably the only fandom right now that has more vicious fanatics than Twilight, because I never see Twilight movie tickets being presold a week before the showing.

But anyway, my point is that Harry Potter is opening today, dammit. And I haven’t bought any tickets yet. And I am not willing to wait for an hour for tickets just to sit in a cramped cinema, with some kid with a bad cold sitting beside me, trying to remind me of his existence (and the snot that’s flowing down his nose) every time he inhales.

And when the most exciting part of the movie comes, the kid will get bored, wail to his parents that he wants to pee/go home/eat a burger/my foot in his face/whack off. And when one kid wails, this sets off a chain reaction. I don’t know how they do that. One kid cries, and the next thing you know, you’re in the middle of a cacophony of ear-bleeding shrieks. Fucking kids.

But really, I do not want to miss Harry Potter 6. I mean, as much as I’m a big fan, I want to watch it in IMAX as well, so I can get to see Emma Watson’s boobs in 3-D. What.

Of course, I’m a good citizen and I won’t go to your friendly neighborhood prated DVD shops just to get a shaky cam capture of the movie. Heck, if I wanted to replicate the movie experience, I might as well brave the long lines and the hyperactive kids. No, I shall not break the law buy buying a pirated DVD. Okay, that sexual harassment thing’s another story, but whatev. Continued…

This has been one of the hottest summers ever. Who here hasn’t been complaining how humid and unbearable the weather is lately?

Case in point: last week, while walking to work, I smelled something burning while I was in the middle of Ortigas. Also, I felt something at my feet. I figured out that the soles of my shoes have melted, and I’m in trouble. But I just actually just stepped on a big steaming pile of doggy shit. But that isn’t the point. Continued…

Dear DtH,

My life is, like, so dark and lonely… It is one deep abyss and it calls out to me… I reach out, and hands touch the cold, cold wind of suffering…

It is yet another moment of my longing to free me from these shackles of eternal longing of happiness that I will never achieve… But I should probably just try to feel pain because I feel nothing anymore…

Wake me up from my reverie… and bring me back to the warmth of the day…

Happiness is… yet another illusion…

xXxXx_3m0-b0i_xXxXx

Dear xXxXx_3m0-b0i_xXxXx,

I probably need more time to understand what the fuck you’re talking about. Nice poetry by the way. (It IS poetry, right?) Read More »

Ok, not much to say, except that Mike is nominated for the Blogger’s Choice Award category. So guys, do something worthwhile with your lives for once and make a vote for Mike.

Details here.

Basically, you have to:

- write an entry on your blog that you’re voting for Mike and state why
- put in the sponsors in your post (optional)
- submit your blog entry here: http://www.philippineblogawards.com.ph/bloggers-choice-award-nomination-form/
- masturbate

And I can link you guys from my Vote for Mike Entry as well, just post your blog entry URLs here!

(NOTE: This is not a vote. My vote can be found here.)

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Large Hadron Collider.

Guess what this weird-looking contraption is for? Well, aside from making jokes about it becoming the biggest bait for “large hard-on” jokes, it’s probably the most awesome thing ever. Before it kills us.

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is the world’s largest and highest-energy particle accelerator complex, intended to collide opposing beams of protons charged with approximately 7 TeV of energy. Its main purpose is to explore the validity and limitations of the Standard Model, the current theoretical picture for particle physics. It is theorized that the collider will produce the Higgs boson, the observation of which could confirm the predictions and missing links in the Standard Model, and could explain how other elementary particles acquire properties such as mass.

Make any sense? No? Okay, to make things easier to my readers who don’t have a degree in quantum physics (I’m pretty sure there’s a couple out there), the Large Hadron Collider basically tries to make protons run in a very large oval. A fucking large oval. An oval with a 17-mile circumference, to be exact. More »

So today, I turned 25. Dammit, I’m old.

I don’t know. I used to look forward to my birthday
because birthdays bring with them gifts, parties, and a generally happy
atmosphere. Now I just dread them, mainly because it’s a reminder that
I’ve wasted another year passed by with me doing nothing but writing
profane jokes in what the kids call a “blog” (seriously, what the hell
is this thinggummy you kids call blogs? Is it an online diary or
something? Coz that’s so gay).

So to start off my birthday, the construction workers in our street
greeted me by way of this awesome dialogue repeated ad nauseam, a.k.a. conspiracy flashback:

Guy: PUTANG INA NAMAN! MAGSAING KA NA! MAGTATRABAHO PA AKO!
Wife: LECHE KA! KUNG DI MO INUBUS ANG PERA NATIN SA GIN KAGABI MAY ISASAING AKO!
Son: Ang iingay nyo! Di ako makapag konsentreyt sa
laru ko! Binabato ko lahat ng dumadaan dito eh! Tapos mamaya sisinghot
pa ako ng rugby habang kumakanta ng Salbakuta.
Guy: Ang galing mo anak! Keep it up, tatanda ka na katulad ko!
Son: Oo naman tay, idol kita eh! Hay payb!

I seriously don’t know of a better way to start off a birthday. A
knifefight maybe? With the end result of one of the construction
worker’s guts on the street just in front of our house? That would be
perfect, but you have to remember: they took out the streets in our
village and turned them into muddy mush!

Anyway, to remind me of my impending mortality (and alleged ambiguous sexuality. Those assholes), the monkeys over at The Man Blog Forum gave me these gifts:

Pau first figured out it was my birthday. Glad that there was somebody catching up with his age, he gave me this:

A Google image search result for the keywords “Ade gay”. Go figure.

Read the rest of this entry »

Happy New Year everyone! 2007 has come and gone, and has assraped us all so awesomely.

Google Image Search result for “New Year”. Let the WTFs roll.

This year has like been the worst year of my life for reasons I can’t blog about lest this turns into a mushy emofest like LiveJournal.
So instead I’ll distract you from badgering me about the details of my
sucky year and present you with the obligatory best of 2007 post. I did this last year,
and this is one of the few times where I actually do a meme of sorts,
and for my new readers, this is a chance to sift through the best of my
overly convoluted archives.

So now that I’ve got that lame intro out of the way, here’s the best of 2007. Read on:

• On Fitting Rooms
  - I know, this might probably suck because I wrote this like three days
  ago and I’m inclined to believe this is one of my best articles, even
  though I got a paltry comment count on that bitch. But still, this is
  the closest I got to getting laid in the longest time. Shut up.
• Taxi Ride - A recollection of the worst taxi ride in history.
• One Fine Day At Work - It took me a week to write this. Seriously. However, this comment (from Noelle)
  made the hard work all worth it: “This made me scratch my head. Maybe I
  should smoke some weed, THEN read the article.” Kinda sums up the rest
  of my blog.
• An Open Letter to Myself. From Myself.
  - This is me hitting rock bottom, getting drunk, and being found a day
  later singing a Village People song along Ortigas Avenue. And no, Donya Quixote, I do not have photographic evidence, sry.
• Rock Star Existentialism - This shows how deep and philosophical my bandmates are. Seriously. I mean, Porn, Meds and Rock n’ Roll? Those guys are like the new Beatles and nobody even notices us. Assholes.
• Buying Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows
  - Harry Potter 7 was the biggest book event ever for 2007. What kind of
  blogger am I if I didn’t do my share in posting the spoilers on the
  internet to make little kids and fanboys cry?
• BREAKING NEWS: The Man Blog Declares Coup D’état! OMG!
  - The Trillanes brouhaha at the Manila Pen was one of the biggest news
  stories of 2007. Just like any responsible blogger, I just had to make
  fun of it.
• The entire Know your Jologs series
  - This has been like the biggest thing on my blog ever. I had a handful
  of flamers (three), death threats (one), marriage proposals (from some
  dude named “Carlito”), and I’ve been chased by college girls (I keed
  not). And I’m still living in fear of the lawsuits. Oh wait, they can’t
  afford it.
• Troubleshooting Your Girl: Dieting
  - Women have a natural tendency to be thin. And no matter how much they
  stay in the kitchen, they can never grow fat, especially the hot ones.
  Yet they perpetually starve themselves to death because they think
  they’re fat. And in this article, I expose the truth about diets.
• Gay Best Friend. Only Straight.
  - This is me being emo and me being totally whiny about girls telling
  me the sordid details of their sex lives while I don’t get any. Well,
  thinking about it, because I know much about their sex lives I’m like
  having sex by proxy with five women on a regular basis. Awesome as it
  sounds, it actually does suck, mind you. You should try it sometime.
• An Open Letter to the Faggort Who Refused to Stop Rubbing My Bird on the MRT - Probably my second most controversial post for the year 2007, next to Know Your Jologs.
  You know why? I got hate from certain gays because I used the word
  “faggort”. Those fags. Also, there was this douche who insisted I was
  gay for not letting that fag feel me up. I know, WTF right?
• Rejected Filipino Dubs: Harry Potter - Yeah, I totally forgot this one. Thanks to Jeff,
  I was able to put this into the list, albeit belatedly. And this is
  another article teeming with faggotry. As if Harry Potter wasn’t
  faggoty enough, I just had to make him do swardspeak. So much for Noisy
  Noisy Man.

So yeah, that’s pretty much it. What about you guys? What are your favorite entries from your blog?

As far as I could remember, I’ve always hated podcasts.
When it first came out, I was like “What? Me, download mp3s of some guy
rambling about stuff? Boor-ing.” Besides, I’ve got the shortest
attention span on the blogosphere, so I usually space out when
listening to Podcasts. Also, who the hell records his voice on his
computer, uploads it on the internet, and makes the entire world listen
to his horribly recorded audio file?

A bunch of self-centered geeks, that’s who. That’s why I’m perfect for it.

A typical AdeCast recording session

Anyway, I’ve got some plans for it already. I’m calling it the AdeCast, and I’ve got some friends (Nick, Noelle, Gen) who agreed to help out. Under threat of pain of course. How else could I get them to agree? Read the rest of this entry »

Fig. 1: Maria Ozawa

Okay, not really.

In case you have been living under a rock for the past two years, Maria Ozawa
is this wonderfully beautiful Japanese actress who starred in wholesome
family-friendly films such as “Obscene Nymphomaniac 5″, “Let’s Do It At
School”, and “Popular Fashion Model Maria Ozawa Nakadashi Raped for 20
Consecutive Times!”

Wholesome stuff indeed. In fact, when I get married and have a family, I’m gonna show that shit to the kids. Twice! Read the rest of this entry »

Just
so you know, I am such a big Harry Potter nerd; in fact, I once
considered having somebody carve a lightning-shaped wound on my “magic
wand” with a razor, so I’d get the characteristically-shaped scar when
it heals. I still can’t understand why she wouldn’t agree to that.

Also, I actually stayed offline the night before just to make sure I don’t get to read spoilers like Bellatrix kills Dobby on the interwebs, because I don’t like to have my reading experience ruined.

So I walked into Powerbooks Megamall last July 21, with the intent to purchase a copy of the much-awaited Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. The lady at the door greeted me a good morning.

“Lord Voldemort does not wish to defile his pureblood self by mingling with filthy Muggles,” I replied.

She shot me a dirty look. Shoot dirty looks on your future ruler, eh?

I decided to let it go, in fact, I am not gonna waste an Avada Kedavra
on her, the last thing I need is to have a flash of green light and a
dead saleslady to have these nerds in Powerbooks panic all around and
cause a stampede or something. I mean, nerd stampede. Ewww. So I keep
my wand safely in my pocket protector and move on.

I couldn’t keep my excitement inside. I just had to tell somebody,
anybody, how I think this book is gonna get. I strike a conversation
with the nice lady in front of me, who is wearing Griffyndor robes and
seems to be fidgeting every five minutes. Read the rest of this entry »