DarkSpear

To my adoring fans (yes, the both of you. Not you though, you’re a guy) who want to get impregnated by my awesome Ade Juice,
now is not the right time for fatherhood for me, mainly because my idea
of a good afternoon is sitting my fave couch, popping a Shreak DVD and
wanking off to the voice of Antonio Banderas Cameron Diaz. Yes, I’m mature and ready like that.

But kids would be nice to have around. Someday. No, not those cyber babies Liz and I made on the TMB forum.
Real kids. To give me and my imaginary future wife happiness. Kids to
have around at dinner. Kids to have for dinner when we run out of food.
Because dead babies are delicious. With ketchup.

Dead Babies are teh win!

However, I think I’ve been drinking too much beer (or frappes,
whatever) lately, or maybe that ciggy (yes, just one. Pathetic, I
knoes) that Penny Lane gave me two weeks ago doused my brain with too much nicotine, or maybe those Spill Canvas mp3s that Nikki gave me messed with my mind, but I suddenly have the illusion that someday, I’d make an awesome father.

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Hello, traveller. I see you seek refuge in this here
interweb-thingy we call a blog. you have been travelling long and hard
in this long road of misinformation and porn repository called THE
INTERNETS. I know, I know it’s a hard journey. Make yourself
comfortable. Now, dear reader, let me tell you what the internets is
all about.

Guess what site this kid is surfing

Origins: The Big Queef

Reenactment

The internets started when Al Gore queefed
while taking a crap one day in the middle of the Monica Lewinsky
scandal. He was on his laptop when he queefed. It shorted out the
circuits in his laptop and gave him this
page. He showed this to Bill Clinton, who was kinda pissed that Gore
interrupted him in the middle of a make out session with Lewinski, but
was so awed with the page that he declared that Al Gore invented the
internets and that they should upload their porn collection into it.
Gore’s porn collection later won an Oscar for best documentary.

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So I already devoted a couple of posts
to my awesome band, Crazy Monkey Girl, and I’m assuming that you’re
tired of hearing about them already. (This is the part where you say no
we’re not, please do tell us more)

You tired? Yes? K!

But since you’re fed up of my gushing about how awesome my band is, let this rockstar indulge himself and just piss you off one more time.

Crazy Monkey Girl? Hell yeah!

I just finished stalling. Here’s a video of the gig I talked about here.
Took my bandmate ages to upload the video on his computer. Took me ages
to edit the video as well. Procrastination rules, baby.

Click here to watch the video! Please comment on the other blog »

This is my new band, Crazy Monkey Girl, playing Si Aida O Si Lorna O Si Fe and What You Won’t Do. Click on the links for the videos since I can’t figure out how the hell to embed the videos on Friendster Blogs.

ADE: As you can see, this girl tried to show the world how awesome she
is in giving blowjobs. She miserably failed to convince anyone.
LIZ: What the fuck is that? It looks too nice to know what a blow job is.
ADE: Either it’s a blowjob it was a little too hungry.
ADE: And ingested the nearest source of protein.
LIZ: So what happens when teeth are all thats left of it?
ADE: You know the fake teeth Joker wears in the first Batman movie? I guess that’s what happens.
LIZ: Dude i just came from a crap and I don’t know whether i should
strangle you from where you work, but all this is making me feel
horrible.
LIZ: Maybe I should try it? Eat myself?
LIZ: BUT ILL GET FUCKING FAT.
LIZ: Dilemma.

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HAY GUYSZ! DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS????????!

I am in a slump. I have been seeing some of my old high school and
college friends migrating to greener pastures, getting married and
having families, getting filthy rich, or getting herpes. I’m happy for
them, of course, but there’s a feeling that somebody is getting left
behind. Mainly, me.

A general idea of how life treats me

Ok, not everyone is being awesome and throwing money around. For instance: I stumbled upon this old friend’s profile on Friendster the other day I saw that he was close to becoming a crack whore who’ll take it in the ass for a buck or two. So the fact that I am a rockstar
makes me three notches better than him. But on the other end of the
spectrum is an acquaintance who is reported to be filthy rich that he
buys three cars a week for his infant kids. I suspect he made a killing
in selling methamphetamine to crack whores, but that’s another story.

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I’ve been nominated for the Blogger’s Choice Awards. Please vote for Noisy Noisy Man. Yay!

Dear Judges,

I have absolutely no idea who did it (no, wait, I do), but I’ve been nominated in the 2007 Philippine Blog Awards, in the Entertainment (along with The Man Blog), Personal and Blogger’s Choice Award categories. I think I fit more into the Darwin Awards,
but that’s just me. I know my readers follow my exploits because they
just want to make fun of how I totally mess up my life and I know they
are waiting for the time I end up as a beggar in Quiapo who sells
sexual favors for a buck apiece, but thanks anyway.

Ah, the sweet taste of victory.

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Summing it up.

Before you gouge your eyes out because of that goddamnawful image,
let me just tell you I loved the film. I was expecting a lot of Greco-Roman Wrestling
and all that shit, and since they’re Greeks I was also expecting a lot
of man love (turns out the Achaens were the man lovers). Thank God my
expectations weren’t fulfilled.

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